Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
