I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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