I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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