kristin has been a bad kristin
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I deserve this hangover.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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