Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
