Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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