you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
