You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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