both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
