probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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