piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
