Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
