Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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