why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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