This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
