We're facebook friends in real life
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
