Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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