we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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