and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
