Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
