you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
