I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i don't like sucking hair
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
