The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
