thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
