Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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