She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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