I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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