Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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