Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
