i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
