i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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