the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
