I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
