Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
