Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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