FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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