thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
