she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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