There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
