New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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