i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
