he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I deserve this hangover.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
