So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
