Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
