Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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