the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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