All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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