You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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