I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
