My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
